For once, this is not uni-related, this is me-related. Stay tuned for some serious personal divulgence, and if sob stories aren’t your thing turn away now. You’ve been warned.
I’ve had a good life so far – good friends and family, good opportunities to be the best I could be – up until my last year of high school. Year 12 was a really bad year for me, what with the stress of HSC and all, and I was diagnosed with depression. I’ve been seeing counsellors and relying on friends to get me through this and it had been alright, up until a few months ago when I made a LOT of mistakes. After that, everything kind of fell apart; most of my closest friendships fell through, my relationship fell through, my job fell through and it affected the rest of my life and the people around me. I didn’t want to come to uni because I felt I needed space, I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I didn’t even want to get out of bed. It’s hard to describe the feeling properly, but for me it’s kind of like being stuck inside a maze that goes around and around with no exit, and little voices telling you to give up and forget about finding the end because it simply isn’t there. After a while, you start to believe them.
Why am I posting this for the world to see? Well, there are people in my life who care about me and want to know what’s wrong, how I’m feeling and what they can do, and the problem is that I can’t really give them an answer. I know that I’m not easy to put up with and sometimes talking to me is like talking to a brick wall, but all I ask is for a little patience and kindness. Please know that it’s not your job to fix me, I am working on it slowly and I am doing what I can to come out of this, but it won’t be easy.
Yes it’s very personal, probably uncomfortable to read and might even look like I’m fishing for attention, but I promise you that’s not what this is. This is me needing to empty the contents of my head into a safe space and that’s what this blog has become for me already. Thank you for putting up with me and my self-indulgent blog post. It really does mean more than you think it might.